So, I've been thinking about something a lot lately, ok...it's something I think about all the time. Naturally, people say that if you talk about things then you will feel better...so, here goes. I have noticed a lot of fb friends finding snakes in their garages, or in their driveways lately. I realize that the weather is getting cooler, and the cold blooded creatures are looking for warmth.. Just so you know, it's not cool to post pictures of snakes, no matter where you find them, no matter if they are dead..or alive...not cool at all people, so please stop it. I'm dead serious...you're going to give a girl a heart attack. I am absolutely terrified of them!! I remember when I was in 8th grade...I went into our storage shed behind the house to get my golf bag out to go play with some friends...I can still see myself now...it was a small shed...light blue in color...jam packed with our things. I climbed over the lawnmower to get to my clubs...put my hand on a box, and felt something strange...looked down, and I had placed my hand on a nest of baby snakes, then grabbed another spot to support myself from falling and saw a giant snake skin. OMG I ran, tripped, fell down, screamed, called my Dad to come home immediately...I cried like someone was trying to kill me...they were..seriously..the snakes were after me. Ok, so they prob really weren't after me, but it sure did feel like it, and I have never forgotten how I felt in that moment. I took terrified to an entirely different level. So, that story begins my fear of the scaly, scary things...I.do.not.like.snakes.not.one.bit. My son gets Ranger Rick magazine. I always flip through it, and if there so happens to be a snake on the page I literally throw it up in the air, scream like a little girl and run. No joke! I dream about them in my bed. I can't watch snakes on tv without covering my face and jumping out of my skin because I can feel them crawling on me. If I am out in the garage I always keep my eyes glued to the floor because my worst fear is that one will slither out and get me. I have a constant fear of one being in my mailbox...anytime I check the mail...I mean every.single.time..literally I will crack open the mail box, peek in from a distance to make sure there isn't a snake in there, and then when I realize I'm in the clear I will open it all the way. I refuse to check the mail at night, because...hello I can't see if there's a snake in there. So, usually I will have someone go with me...<stop laughing, it's really not funny> and I make them look in it with a flashlight first before we can get the mail out. Over the summer the kids found a snake that a neighbor had found and killed, and they were carrying it up and down the street...I locked myself inside the house. I asked Trey what they did with the snake...he said they were going to put it in someones mail box (noooooo!!! See people, I'm not crazy!!) I gave someone else the responsibility of checking the mail for the next few weeks! I remember at my wedding shower someone put a random gift on my cousin's front porch..no note..just a box..for me. In my sick head I thought, ok..I've lived in this town for a long time, and of course there are always people that don't like you, right...so, I was thinking that someone put a snake in a box and was trying to kill me. My shower guests I'm sure were looking at me like I was a nut job, but I was seriously freaking out, while trying to be cool... and I did open the box with apprehension, peek in the corner to make sure my face wasn't going to be bitten off first. One can never be prepared for a snake in a box...Have you ever seen Kill Bill?? The scene where Daryl Hannah puts a Black Mamba (I don't even like to say the word....omg!!!) in a brief case full of money, and when he opened it..it bit his face off. SCARY!! <Excuse me, while I pause for a moment to make sure there are no snakes in my couch cushions....> In the Spring I plant flowers, but as summer arrives I won't walk in the yard to water them because of my paralyzing fear...thank goodness my husband likes to water my plants. My husband's cousin, Rachel, found a snake wrapped around her front door wreath over the summer. She shared it on fb. I'll have you know, Rachel, that every time I open my front door I am reminded that there could possibly be a snake wrapped around my wreath ready to attack me. If I'm on the porch at night I will get a flashlight and look under my bench and my ferns before I sit down. Anytime anyone in my house leaves a door open for more than a minute, I fuss at them telling them that the snakes can get in the house. I even look for them in the toilet, and sometimes when I sit on the shower floor to shave my legs I fear that one will crawl up through the drain and bite me. I can't leave the windows in my car open while it's parked in the garage, because...you guessed it...snakes will crawl in the windows and I will wreck my pretty car..and injure myself because I will jump out of it while driving down the road. If I open my sunroof before I leave the garage..I look up and hold my breath hoping and praying that one isn't going to land in my lap. When I'm out measuring houses and meandering my way through peoples bushes, and landscape I talk to myself...and God...praying begging to keep me safe, and to please let the snakes be well hidden and/or sleeping. So, there...I am sharing my worst fear with all of you, and honestly...I feel worse, and clearly I need therapy.
<sigh>
No comments:
Post a Comment