Friday, February 26, 2016

Whatever Floats your Goat..

For someone that typically has a whole lot to say I definitely struggle lately with starting a new post.  It turns into a whole lot of staring at a blank page, shutting down the entire computer, then starting it back up ten minutes later because I have finally thought of something clever to write, only to end up staring at a blank page again..  But at least I can talk about my busy minded blank pages and actually use it as a good intro.  See what I did there? clever. Right?!

Can I just take a minute or two to talk about how adulting can be overrated, and how frustrating it is when you know what you want and you can't have it? Or in my case, can't find it.  I'm talking about my future farm.  About a month or so ago we finally found the one and only place that I have actually fallen in love with throughout the entire journey of our twoish year search.  I think we looked at 12 properties that day, and this was the last one because it was the furthest away.

A lot of properties we look at don't even warrant us getting out of the car.  It's frustrating how deceptive the Real Estate agents are with their photos.

This property was in a different town about an hour away from where we live now.  A rural farming community with a population of a little less than 4,000. As I stood there at the highest point of the property, I felt it.  This was it.  This was the one I've been waiting for.  I could envision exactly where I wanted my little Craftsman Farmhouse to be built.  I imagined my entire family coming over for Sunday dinner and me finally having enough room for all of them in one place. I loved the idea of the kids exploring our new place together. I couldn't wait to find out how magical it would be to watch the sun set for the first time. In my head I was already planning my first camping trip for after the closing just so I could sit in my chair all cozied up by a fire, filled with anticipation to watch the sun set and be awake in time to watch it rise again.  You guys know how much I love my sun rises and sun sets.  <3

As we walked the property nothing could wipe the smile off my face, or the warmth and joy I had in my heart.  On the way home we talked about all the places where we could put the chicken coop, and where to eventually build a barn/shop.  We talked about needing to build a lean-to right away to shelter what little equipment we already have.  I was so excited talking about where my garden and clothesline would go.  Not to mention expand my chicken family..I'm dying for a Lavender Orpington.  I am even open to eventually raising a few meat birds and harvesting them ourselves.  Gulp!  Trey talked about his tree stand, and Kyle couldn't wait to get a new tire for the M and get it out there with a bush hog to start cleaning it up.

Two days later we met with the lender at our bank.  A few more days later we found out that the land had restrictions. I think my mouth dropped to the floor and I had no words.  It was like the light in my heart was knocked out of me in an instant.  Who puts restrictions on a place in the middle of no where?  A place where literally your only neighbors on three sides of you are cows and behind you is a forest?  For the love of Nancy, I want cows for neighbors!!  This little gem, my dream come was perfect, perfect, perfect....except it wasn't perfect for wasn't perfect for the fact that they would not allow poultry, swine, sheep or goats.  Which is a deal breaker, because hellloo?!  We come as a package deal and this meant, no deal.

I cried my eyes out for a few days straight. The ugly cry for at least the first 24 hours.  My 16 year old consoled me while holding back his laughter because I was pretty much being an idiot grown baby adult crying about something I couldn't have.  And I swear if Kyle or Trey asked me one more time why I was crying, their light would have been knocked out too.  Really though, don't you hate it when you cry because you're crying because you knooow you're being an idiot?  Me too.

But seriously. Let's be real.  When you know what you want - you know what you want, and when you think you have finally found what you want, only to find out you really haven't found what you want, it does break your heart for a split second.

So, time marches on and we are back on the search again.  I'm still slightly recovering from my heart break so I haven't been obsessively looking every single day like before, only a few times a week. Although, I did find a fabulous place that was fabulous except for the house was the opposite of what we are looking for, which was pretty much an immediate no. Plus, I really really want to start from scratch and build it ourselves, so I'm easily turned off at finding something that already has a home on it, unless it's a cabin that we could live in while building.  But guys, this little house on the prairie came with a baby goat nursery. A. Baby. Goat. Nursery!  Talk about tugging at my maternal baby animal heartstrings.  Not to mention extremely dangerous for a gal like myself that could easily fall in love with baby goats to fill my baby goat nursery up with.   It also had a solar paneled chicken coop and the cutest little garden shed.  It was almost like it was meant to be mine.  Except it wasn't.  Annnd this is the story of my life lately. Ugh.  Heart. Breaker.  I could write a book, but for now this post will have to do.

Happy weekend, my friends!